Long Distance

source: skinnymom.com

Ben has big glasses and hair the color of pumpernickel. The first time we spoke was outside, beneath the hot Jerusalem sun. He offered me a plump dried strawberry and I accepted.

We've been dating for about eight months now, Ben and I. He is kind and gentle, always texting me and sending silly pictures.I had a hard time saying goodbye at the airport. I remember wrapping my arms around him at the customs gate, and crying because I didn't want to ever let go.

Last night I watched an episode of The West Wing, Ben's favorite TV show. It's just the sort of program he would like-- filled with politics and big worded conversations. It's basically about USA President Bartlett (not actually a real president) and his senior staff. Throughout the whole episode, I thought of Ben.

It's hard for me to accept that our relationship has changed drastically since our return to the states. We went from seeing each other every day (movie nights, and cooking class and our occasional nap on the couch) to seeing each other...never.

Ben lives far away. I wont pinpoint where exactly, but let's just say that we're aren't even in the same time zone. Our days used to be identical- and now the 12 hours we spend before going back to sleep look nothing alike.

Even our conversations on the phone don't feel like our old conversations back in Israel. How do you tell a small piece of technology that you miss him to the point of breathlessness? How do you tell him that sometimes you cry yourself to sleep because you remember what it felt like to have him dreaming beside you, two peas in a pod.
The easy answer is this: you can't.  I find it hard to communicate anything that I'm feeling to him anymore. It's like the two of us aren't even in the same world.

The West Wing, I've found, is actually an incredible show with some really poignant messages. One of the more obvious ones is that sometimes its hard to tell the truth. In President Bartlett's case, many factors complicate the task of being honest about what's in the best interest for American citizens. Some examples include, interest groups, the congress, or large politician egos.

And for me, I've found that simply not being with Ben in person has complicated matters. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this and decided that I really need to take our relationship just one day at a time. Until I'm able to visit him, I'll have to trust that we meet everyone in our lives for a purpose and that God will eventually find a way to communicate that purpose to us.

Hopefully everything will turn out alright.
- Loni